A Heartfelt Apology
The twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous have saved countless lives from death by alcohol. The Steps have the power to free anyone who earnestly works them from their hellish enslavement to alcohol or drugs.
It is generally known that the AA program works to help alcoholics achieve and maintain sobriety.
Less well-known is the extraordinary quality of life that results from working the steps. Everyone I know who has embraced and practiced the 12 steps as a way of life testifies to the joy, peace and improved relationships that are the hallmark of a principle-driven life.
Step 10, "continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it." is one of the reasons for this joyous improvement in a life formerly focused on self.
There is nothing I know of in this world that is more effective, works faster and costs less to use than a heartfelt apology. I used to think that if I had hard feelings with someone else, that if I apologized first that somehow I would lose. I almost always waited for the other person to apologize first--mostly the apology I felt I was owed never came.
Today I believe that a prompt and sincere apology on my part is a victory. I always feel immediate relief of my own anger, whether or not the other party reciprocates. They usually do, and if they don't, they only cheat themselves of the relief that comes from a resolved conflict.
An apology represents a victory over my own pride. A true apology requires humility and must reflect honest awareness that even if we are in the "right" that we are willing to look at our part of the problem.
Most of what passes for apologies these days do not fit this definition. They seldom produce any improvements in feelings or situations. They sort of go like this--"I'm sorry if I offended you, but I was really right." Often such an apology actually makes things worse.
I know how much it means to me when someone expresses concern about my feelings and makes an effort to improve our relationship, leaving their pride aside. I usually find it hard to remain angry or unforgiving with someone who makes such an effort.
Forgiveness is really a present to the one who forgives, rather than the one who is forgiven.
When forgiveness is in the air, everyone feels better.
A genuinely felt apology is a great catalyst for forgiveness.
Why not try using this principle in your life and see the results? It is working for me.
It is generally known that the AA program works to help alcoholics achieve and maintain sobriety.
Less well-known is the extraordinary quality of life that results from working the steps. Everyone I know who has embraced and practiced the 12 steps as a way of life testifies to the joy, peace and improved relationships that are the hallmark of a principle-driven life.
Step 10, "continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it." is one of the reasons for this joyous improvement in a life formerly focused on self.
There is nothing I know of in this world that is more effective, works faster and costs less to use than a heartfelt apology. I used to think that if I had hard feelings with someone else, that if I apologized first that somehow I would lose. I almost always waited for the other person to apologize first--mostly the apology I felt I was owed never came.
Today I believe that a prompt and sincere apology on my part is a victory. I always feel immediate relief of my own anger, whether or not the other party reciprocates. They usually do, and if they don't, they only cheat themselves of the relief that comes from a resolved conflict.
An apology represents a victory over my own pride. A true apology requires humility and must reflect honest awareness that even if we are in the "right" that we are willing to look at our part of the problem.
Most of what passes for apologies these days do not fit this definition. They seldom produce any improvements in feelings or situations. They sort of go like this--"I'm sorry if I offended you, but I was really right." Often such an apology actually makes things worse.
I know how much it means to me when someone expresses concern about my feelings and makes an effort to improve our relationship, leaving their pride aside. I usually find it hard to remain angry or unforgiving with someone who makes such an effort.
Forgiveness is really a present to the one who forgives, rather than the one who is forgiven.
When forgiveness is in the air, everyone feels better.
A genuinely felt apology is a great catalyst for forgiveness.
Why not try using this principle in your life and see the results? It is working for me.
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Comments
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wow. we can all use a refresher on saying we're sorry and really taking care of our friendships and relationships. thanks for your words.Posted 11-03-2009 at 09:23 PM by Tootsie
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